I got such an incredible response to my previous post called No New Years Resolutions so I want to first start by saying thank you guys so so much, it was so nerve wrecking hitting publish on such a personal post however within about 2 minutes I started getting an incredible response and knew I had made the right decision. I have decided that I want to make these more personal posts I more regular part of the blog and have began planning the new few. This post however is slightly more organic in construction as it is inspired by a post I have just seen on Tumblr, I am slightly obsessed with Tumblr ( find me HERE) anyway I was scrolling down my feed when I came across a post by a lovely girl called Haya talking about her own body image and she brought up a point which really resonated with me:
“Also pretty tired of calling myself fat and having people jump to disagree with me and tell me I’m beautiful, as if it’s impossible to be both.
No one had to tell me that it’s okay to be fat. I just kinda figured it out on my own. ” source blog linked HERE
I think this struck such a cord with me because it is something I am often faced with. I have never been the type of person to dance around a subject I can therefore be incredibly blunt with things aka I will call a spade a spade. I do however draw a line and will not insult anyone else but if I dont agree with a point you will totally be aware of it pretty quickly. I can be strong willed ( a nicer term for stubborn isn’t it) I thank my parents for this. They have been such incredible role models and I have grown into a person unafraid to speak my mind.
Just as a quick sort of disclaimer I do not mean to offend anyone, I am totally aware that people reading this will have said or brought up some of the points that I am going to mention and I don’t get annoyed at you personally it is an immediate social response, not your own doing. My main issue involves a situation such as this, I will talking in a group or one on one with a person and we are just chatting away and then I will make a remark about my size and immediately someone will jump in with something like, don’t be silly , your beautiful, stop saying that about yourself. Now just to state right now I am completely aware that these statements are meant with the best intent. They are not meant to offend or annoy but some part of me cannot help but take offence. I know it is a human reaction that when someone addresses them self in a way that you deem negative that the instant response is to try and counter it by telling them the opposite however I just stopped agreeing that being fat means that you are any less beautiful. For me personally the word fat is to be used as a descriptive term, in the same way I describe myself as tall and ginger I also describe myself as fat. I am not trying to pretend to be something that I clearly am not I am fat, I have accepted it so why can’t everyone else.I totally understand that there is a strong counter agruement to this, that alot of people don’t feel other people have the right to judge their appearance and make that decision because what is fat, if you are a size 6 and someone else is a 12 is that fat or if someone is an 18 and you are a 28 are they fat? I am not condoning going around calling everyone fat because as I have stated some people will take this as offence however the point I am wanting to make is that if someone is already identifying them-self as fat that you dont jump in to correct them. Fat and beautiful are not mutually exclusive they can totally co-exist together in harmony.
One theory that has risen time and time again whilst researching for my dissertation on the plus-size fashion market is the theory that being fat is a temporary state. I was watching the new channel 4 programme Weighing up the Enemy which stars Dr Jessen from embarrassing bodies. I was informed about the programme by a friend who said episode one contained a section about plus-size fashion. He was talking to some English plus-size bloggers about the relation between more availability of plus-size clothing and an increasing unwillingness to change. It is an undeniable fact that obesity is on the rise, I cannot dispute that but I thought the programme brought up some interesting theories that really made me begin to think was having more choice a bad thing did it make people less concerned with addressing the issue at hand because now more and more companies where producing fashionable pieces in larger sizes. But them I realised that this wasn’t how the situation should be viewed, again as I previously mentioned being fat to me is the same as being tall and ginger so I realised that I shouldn’t feel any kind of guilt for this that I should not be grateful to shops for catering to a larger size range. If I ever feel the need to address my size it is on my time and nothing to do with society, I will not be sized out of fashion. It is the same with maternity lines and petite it is something which is needed in-stores. This is another story for another post however because I could go on all day about this!
As I have previously mentioned I struggle with social anxiety, I struggle to be in large spaces such as walking through the city centre without my headphones. I have had many occasion where I have accidently completely ignored people because I am just not listening to anything but the music. This usually works however one big trigger area I find is eating alone in public or eating with people who are new to me. I find that if I am alone I can feel judgements being made regarding what I am eating, for example, when I am eating with people the comments usually go as follows, ” are you trying to be good? ” ” are you dieting” I feel that’s what makes it so hard for me to become comfortable eating in public because of fear of judgement. Although as I previously mentioned these comments are never meant any way but nicely I still can struggle receiving them, If I am eating a salad it is because that is what I wanted to eat. If I am eating a entire birthday cake ( an over exaggeration I am aware but trying to illustrate a point) then that is also ok. My diet is not your concern, and again I know society has us believe that anyone who is deemed plus-size must be constantly trying to slim down I am here to say that in my case , that isn’t the case. Of course I am aware I need to get myself eating alot healthier than I am currently but that is something for me to work on in my own time. I sometimes get really annoyed with myself for allowing myself to feel like this and to worry what others think, I shouldn’t let the judgement of others effect how I personally feel but I can’t help it.I know deep down that I am the only person who can judge me so as again I mentioned in the new years post to a certain extent I have finally accepted my size but there is always going to be alot of ifs and buts to this rule.
If you guys take anything from this post I want to create a concious thought amongst society that being fat and beautiful aren’t a one or the other type situation to find yourself in. I am tired of having to justify my appearance just because it doesn’t suite the opinions of everyone.
I hope once again that you guys enjoy the more personal posts as much as I enjoy doing them, There is something very therapeutic about writing them.
Until next time…T-j xo
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